doctoral advice, chatbot use, having a bad time
background on the situation:
a reader writes that they are being asked for help - informally - with someone's doctoral work. the person in question is using a chatbot constantly, and already knows that the reader does not like the product in general or in a work situation. the crux of the reader's problem is that they've informally helped many people with their doctoral process, and generally love to do it - but in this case, they feel the person they are helping is basically putting them in conversation with a chatbot. the reader feels the person they are supporting is not putting in any work, and it feels off. the reader also deeply empathizes with the time and money pressures the person is under. the reader is wondering what to do because they are tempted to just hold their nose and keep it going because they do want to help, but they are finding it awful and hurtful, both on a personal level, and as a way that new scholarship is being produced.
some suggestions:
dear reader, a few ways you could approach a conversation about this:
tell the person how you absolutely love helping out with this kind of work, and have been doing so for years. tell them that part of why you love helping with this kind of work is that it gives you an opportunity to think with someone else. it has been rewarding for you because it's truly a two-way street, and you are deeply interested to get into what other people are curious and committed to working on.
however, in this situation, something is off. the way you are working together lacks this type of exchange and mutual curiosity. while you're not judging their process or how they do their work, it isn't a fit for you to take part in the way things have been going so far. offer that if they have any suggestions about this, you are open to talking about it further. and remind them, lots of people have different approaches to this, so you two might just not be a great fit, in the way things are going so far.
but before giving up on it, suggest that they do an increment of work however they do it, then you can sit down together, just the two of you (no computers), to protect the kind of thinking time that really allows it to be a two-way street, to set yourselves up for some real and intentional back-and-forth.
acknowledge that you know they are under a lot of different time pressures and that you understand how hard that is. setting aside protected time is one way to structure the exchange differently and to see if it benefits both of you. they can be honest with you, and tell them you won't be upset if you do this a few times and they don't like it or see the value in it. but it's worth giving it a try. finally, you can offer that if they don't want to or can't work differently with you, you entirely understand, and can reduce or end this type of guidance. if it feels authentic, tell them that you are self-aware enough to know that you wish this didn't bother you, or that you could be more help in the way that they like to work, but unfortunately it's just not true. you have to address the feelings you're having, and you know they probably would want to know that this isn't working well because you know they want to support you too.
this leaves everybody in an "assume the best of and for each other" kind of situation, makes room to adapt to get to a better place, and makes room for stopping something that's taking too much of a toll. we all change over time, allow yourself to have these reactions to a situation and to know that they may or may not change and both are totally fine. we have to listen to the feelings we have because they do tell us about ourselves and what we value and want to take care of, even when what we have to do about them is inconvenient.
thanks for writing, and bon courage :)